New Orleans wants to change its name from the Hornets to the Pelicans. So it got me thinking, what teams should change their names?
New Name: Houston Rodeo
This team was formerly known as one of the most bad-ass sports teams of all time: The Colt .45’s.
Yes, they were named after a 6-shooter revolver. Obviously if a name like The Bullets in Washington doesn’t fly, neither will the Colt .45’s. So, in 1965 it gave way to the dorky nickname, Astros, in reference to Houston’s space program. Cue the Tom Hanks line from Apollo 13. Rodeo fits because it is one of the great pastimes in Texas, and could incorporate a great logo that rivals the Texans and Mavericks. Steers was a possibility, but I couldn’t get pass the line from Full Metal Jacket, plus I’m pretty sure Steers are castrated bulls.
New Name: Brooklyn Brothers
Wanna hear how the name Nets was thought of? In part because of the obvious- in basketball the basket has a net. But also because in New York two teams had rhyming names… The Mets and the Jets. First off, that’s the dumbest reasoning to settle with a name like the Nets. Personally with the move to Brooklyn and all the changes in uniform and venue I thought this was a no-brainer to change the name, but I guess Jay-Z and his HUGE stake in the organization decided against it. Brothers signifies unity. One thing about Brooklyn is that they are very proud people, but they also have each others back. Plus the name is so pun-worthy that NY media would be drooling over possible headlines. Hopefully the feminist wouldn’t come out in droves to picket this name.
Los Angeles Lakers
New Name: Los Angeles Stars
Look I know a lot a people would be completely against this. The Lakers are one of the most stories franchises in sports!! Get over yourself. This list isn’t just for the crap teams, sorry Nets. For those who don’t know the Lakers came from Minneapolis. Before Showtime, Shaq, and Kobe there was George Mikan.
Don’t be misled by those rec-specs and knee pads, this dude could ball, and he did it in Minneapolis. The term “Lakers” came from what Minnesotans hang their hat on and put on their license plates, “Land of 10,000 Lakes.” So out of respect they should change the name, much like the Jazz shouldn’t be the mascot for Utah (we’ll get to that), and the name Stars fits all too perfect. LA is known for the glitz and glamour and the A-listers that attend the games. With Hollywood right around the block this just makes sense. Keep the purple and gold, change the name…but probably do it after Kobe retires.
New Name: The Salt Lake City Blizzard
Before the team was relocated to Utah, the Jazz were in New Orleans. An ideal name for a city of such culture and musical background. Salt Lake City, although worthy of hosting a winter Olympics, is as about associate to Jazz as sunshine is to Seattle. As much as I wanted to dub them the Utah Mormons, it probably wouldn’t go over well with the general public both inside and out of Utah. Blizzard fits. They have long winters there, full of snow, and Salt Lake City has great ski resorts. Plus Blizzard is pretty intimidating and I’m sure they could have some creative jerseys.
New Name: Minnesota Herd
This name is horrid. What the hell is a Wild? For a team that has one of the best jersey’s in the league they sure have one of the worst names. Northstars was perfect until the franchise was picked up and moved very south to Dallas. Herd is the term used for a group of deer. Minnesota has over 1 million deer roaming in it, and Minnesotans notoriously like to hunt. It gives the team a actual animal to identify with rather than an ambiguous group of animals. Plus all you need to do is throw some horns on that logo and it just got 10x better. Bucks was a possibility but Minnesota’s neighbors to the right already have that claimed for their basketball team.
New Name: Cleveland Browns
That’s right, no change. This name is so bad it’s perfect. Your team name is the browns and your logo is an orange helmet? Genius. Cleveland has one of the most loyal fan bases I’ve every seen, so they can call their teams whatever they want for what they’ve endured. The discrepancy from Ohio sports fans in Cleveland and Cincinnati is unbelievable. If you were in Cleveland Brown Stadium you wouldn’t be able to tell if the team was 2-7 or 7-2 based on how those fans cheer and pack the stadium. At Paul Brown Stadium, where the Bengals play, the team could be thick in the hunt for the playoffs and the upper-bowl could be near empty on a Sunday afternoon.
New Orleans hasn’t confirmed that the name change is going into effect. For me the name, Pelicans, doesn’t really roll of the tougne well. If they could evolve that name down to Pelc’s or something that would be much more satisfying. Until then I’m sure more teams could do with a name change, but these are just to name a few.