Worst part of the Super Bowl has nothing to do with the Harbaughs or the hall of fame murderer who moonlights as a middle linebacker. No the absolute worst thing about Super Bowl XLVII (Roman numerals are for the birds) will be the on going debate if Joe Flacco is a top five NFL quarterback.
He will no doubt be asked this question the second he steps off the plane in New Orleans. Being the royal deusch he is there is no doubt in my mind he’ll respond with something arrogant. As he should, he is in the Super Bowl and his wife is a babesicle. However, it does not change the fact the dude is a scrub.
Exhibit A: Tyler Palko
Much to the dismay of Chiefs fans, this wrong hander broke into the league after his career at Pitt. The only thing he is known for to people who are not Pitt fans (so all but 12 people) is fending off an underclassman by the name of Joe Flacco, thus Joe Flacco decides to transfer to Deleware. If Joe Flacco can’t beat out this scrub how the hell am I supposed to be scared of him if my team is playing the Ravens.
Exhibit B: Pizza Hut
First things first, Pizza Hut sucks. If you like Pizza Hut, I don’t want to be friends. More importantly this commercial shows it all. Terrible accuracy. Dude is inside, no elements, and he still can’t help but throw the ball to no one. His only defense is that he meant to throw it the unsuspecting sound guy as a goof, if thats the case dude is a butthole surfer. Thats would be giving Mr. Flacco too much credit. Being the gunslinger that I am, I can put the ball where I want, when I want. I simply can’t respect someone with such little control over their ball placement.
Enjoy the ride Joe Flacco. This will hopefully be your last Super Bowl so I don’t have to hear about you ever again in this lifetime. While your losing to the 49ers, I will be eating my very own Domino’s cheese pizza and taking turns with Uncle Rico chucking footballs over a mountain because thats what gunslingers do.
– Tommy Westside