For athletes, halftime is spent avoiding the blowhard who is going to attempt to inspire the team at some point, in this clip its Saint Tebow. For spectators, halftime at any sporting event goes the same way for just about every normal person: take a piss, grab a beer, and maybe catch the halftime show. Well I am not a normal person. I live for a good halftime show; it probably has a lot to do with my childlike wonder. There is something about a good halftime show that can totally enhance my game day experience. A shit halftime show can single handedly ruin a game for me, even if my squad happens to be winning on that particular day. Its like hey jump rope chicks, Fuck You. I can do that shit in my sleep. I don’t care that you’re practicing 40 hours a week. Your parents signed you up because they don’t love you and want you out of the house so mommy and daddy can host a key party. So without further ado, here are my top 3 halftime shows (I listed some honorable mention picks followed by picks 3, 2, and 1 in an attempt to build literary tension).
Honorable Mention (in alphabetical order):
Asian Bowl Tossing on Unicycle Lady – I don’t know if every person who performs this is an Asian lady, but I certainly have never seen another human perform this act. Regardless, love this act. On the edge of my seat entire show and surprisingly finds its self just outside the top 3.
Dress Lady – I don’t know how I know, but I know one of these days this broad is going to accidently rip off her last dress and I am going to see some boobs. The fact this doesn’t happen at every show keeps this act out of the top three.
Punt, Pass, and Kick Competition – One of two things happen with a PPK participant. 1) Chad Bradford, high school All – American, absolutely crushes it and you’re in awe of his / her physical prowess. 2) Spazzy McSpazzster embarasses his family, his country, and himself with his 12 yard throw, negative 3 yard punt, and missed 78 yard FG attempt that misses just a bit short of the 50 yard line.
The Top 3:
3) Half / Full Court Shots – A made half court shot is like a hand job. It is something you do by yourself when no one is around, but is more exciting watching someone else do it. Witnessing a made full court shot, especially when big time money is on the line, has to be on par with seeing your newborn baby come out a different color than you so you can go back to being selfish.
2) Frisbee Dogs – Something about man’s best friend running the full length of the court to snatch a frisbee midair that really gets me going, in the pants.
1) Jesse White Tumblers – If you are not from Chicago you may have never heard of these guys. You are missing out because these guys put on the best halftime show in the game. Soaring through the air and doing all sorts of crazy flips. You can’t not have a good time watching the Jesse White Tumblers perform. If you somehow dislike the show it is because you’re a communist.
So there is my top 3 halftime shows. If you disagree, its because you’re stupid.