New York Times – Two Quebec inmates climbed up a rope into a hovering helicopter to make a daylight escape on Sunday from a jail northwest of Montreal, the authorities said. The Quebec provincial police said later on Sunday that they had arrested three people about 30 miles north of the Saint-Jérôme jail, from which the two inmates escaped. The police said an operation was under way in Chertsey, Quebec, but did not specify who was arrested.
Before I get into this post I need to say I don’t have any plans on going to jail. I am so scared of the idea of prison because it would go down exactly as the above video. I am afraid to get pop after I ask for a water cup at Chipotle. This fear has led me to do some forward thinking and as a result I had developed 2 surefire ways to escape prison in the event I ever find myself in the clink and now with this chopper rope shenanigan I have 3 outs.
1) Swallow the key and walk out of prison – I know, I know how are you going to obtain the right key? Even if you have the key how are you going to know when the right time to swallow the key? I’ll admit it the first part is a little tricky. Lucky for me I have an ace in the hole, Veronica Mars. Now that she is rightfully back due to that kickstarter campaign, I am going to have her procure me the master key of every prison in the area. This will be followed by me going to the local Wal – Mart to get a copy of the key made and buy the latest CD from whatever Disney star is hot. A lesser criminal would just get the key made thus raising suspicion, but I am not you every day dumb criminal. The cashier will be so fixated on such a man’s man buying the new Selena Gomez LP, he or she won’t notice the key. Once I have the key, I’ll just do what this guy does.
2) Acid Toothpaste – I don’t know if you guys know this, but me and Richie go way back. I lived on the other side of Mt. Richmore. There is no doubt that my boy Kingbean wouldn’t hook me up with some acid toothpaste if I was in dire need. Once I recieved the toothpaste, I’d simply burn down the bars and walk out the front door. Hopefully he wouldn’t be too busy working on that weird bee thing because it definitely wouldn’t be like this.
If these two genius ideas don’t work out, I now have the chopper plan as a worst case scenario. I imagine it will be much easier to drop a rope down to me then it was to land into the cage with the star in Super Mario 64.
Hands down one of the most difficult / annoying stars in the game.